When All I Should Be Thinking About Is College
Graham Daugherty • April 27, 2019
By Madisyn Reiakvam
Being diagnosed with an incurable, life-threatening disease could never happen at the right time, but it felt like mine came at the worst time possible. Senior year is the bridge to the unknown. It’s the last year before everyone’s lives take a drastic leap of faith toward a future that’s intimidatingly hidden. Among the anxiety of trying to apply to college and deciding where to spend the next four years of your life, a daunting decision to decide your future at only 18 years old, but I had to overcome this newfound diagnosis as well. Spoiler alert: I made it, I grew from it, and in no way will it ever hold me back.
Flashback
March 2017: I’ve always had 20/20 vision… I can’t believe that I had to get glasses. That’s okay, I finally got my acceptance letters, I’m so excited! It’s time to figure out where to spend the next 4 years of my life. And it’s the beginning of AP Exam season… I have 7 exams to study for. If I don’t pass these tests I won’t get the credit that I have been working for all year. How am I supposed to do this all? I’m only 18. I am incredibly stressed… maybe that’s why I am always so tired all the time? I had never been a napping type of person, but now that’s all I want to do. I guess this is what happens. Thinking about it, I feel like I have been sleeping so much, but I never felt rested; is that just senioritis? Probably.
April 4, 2017: Okay, something has to be wrong. How in the world can I not make it through a single class period without having to go to the bathroom? I’ve been noticing this more and more for months, I don’t understand it. And why am I always so insanely thirsty? No matter how much I drink, I still feel so dehydrated. I am drinking bottles and bottles of water throughout the day when I never used to carry around a water bottle at all. Oh, that makes sense, I have to go to the bathroom so much because I am drinking so much water. And I’m in the middle of soccer season, so drinking water is healthy. Okay, this is okay. I just wish I weren’t so thirsty all the time…
April 10, 2017: It’s review day in microeconomics, this should be an easy day. I got 100% on that test and this class has been a breeze. It’s come naturally…. Wait, this is actually kind of hard. Maybe it’s because I haven’t done it in a while. None of my notes make sense though, how did I find these answers? Okay okay, relax you got this. Just take this step by step. Why can’t I remember what 12 multiplied by 4 is? Math has always been my best subject… My head hurts. Maybe it’s just a bad day, my head hurts, probably doesn’t help. Just get through the next 20 minutes and class will be over.
April 11, 2017: I’ve always been good at math… I can’t even understand what used to be so easy.
April 12, 2017: I know that we’ve had practice for a few hours every day, but how could I have possibly lost 18 pounds?
April 14, 2017: This can’t be happening. The pieces are starting to fall together, but there’s no way this could be happening to me right? Especially not now, there’s no way. I’ve learned about the signs of diabetes… but it has to be something else. I don’t want this. This isn’t it… I’m so scared.
April 15, 2017: My parents told me to drive to my friend’s house who had type 1 diabetes in order to check my blood sugar. It was supposed to simply calm my mind so I could realize that I don’t have diabetes and everything was fine. I was over thinking it. That number can’t be right… something is wrong with her meter. She said that it’s supposed to be under 170, what does 497 mean? Why do her parents look so concerned? What is going on? They’re talking to me like I have diabetes. I can’t have diabetes. I can’t have diabetes…. How did I get diabetes? No way. That is wrong.
My dad bought me a meter for myself and said to check in an hour. This meter will be right. This meter will tell me everything is okay. This meter says… 576… 576… 576… why do I have to go to the hospital? Do I have to? I don’t want to. 576… 576… 576… that can’t be right
I’m at the hospital. They will figure this out. I’ll finally get my answers. They set an IV for saline, they said it’s just procedure. I guess I am in a hospital bed after all. I have been here for what feels like forever. Dad, can you get me chips? The best way to pass the time is with some jokes. Laughing always makes everyone feel better.
No, I don’t have diabetes. No, I don’t have an endocrinologist. Please just tell me what is wrong. How can you say that you’ve never seen these blood sugars before in someone without diabetes? Here I am… oh….
Is my mom okay? Why do I feel so scared?
It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. Everything happens for a reason. My family looks so worried. How do I make sure they know it’s okay? I keep telling them it will be okay. Maybe the more I say it the more we will all believe it.
The doctor said I amaze him, why? I am terrified, how are you calling me brave? Why can’t you give me insulin to fix this? Do I have to just try to bring these numbers down with water? How am I supposed to do that? What do you mean don’t eat carbs until I can get a doctor? What do you mean the next available appointment is in two days? What is going on? You’re just going to send me home?
April 16, 2017: Happy Easter to me…
April 17, 2017: My mom got us an emergency appointment with my general practitioner. Time for some real answers. He has diabetes, he’ll know… He said he is almost sure I have diabetes, but he can’t diagnose me. What are we supposed to do? He gave us the number for the Barbara Davis Center.
Wow, they are going to see us today. How can I be so happy and so petrified all at the same time? I have gotten my blood drawn 5 times already in the past week, do you really have to do this again?
I have Type 1 Diabetes.
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I have always said that everything in life happens for a reason and my first instinct was to make sure that this disease would never hold me back in my life. The day of my diagnosis, I played in my high school soccer game. A few weeks and an immense amount of studying later, I caught up in my classes, passed all of my AP Exams, spoke at my graduation, and earned my high school diploma. A few months later, I finished the hardest hike I’d ever done on the longest, steepest and most beautiful mountain. And only 4 months after my diagnosis, I drove out to Iowa to begin my college journey. Type 1 may have changed my life, but I have become stronger and wiser because of it. I am proud of what I have overcome and how much I have grown. Today I not only celebrate my story, vitality, and life; but the strength, love, and support of my family and friends as well.
