This is part 1 of a 4-part blog series by Trystan H., a recipient of the Charlotte Tucker Scholarship.
When your only option is to be strong, you will become stronger than you ever thought was possible.
My name is Trystan, and I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on March 26, 2012. I had been sick for a while. My mom stayed up many nights with worry, not being able to sleep. She knew something was wrong, but nobody had any idea how serious my condition actually was. I had lost so much weight and looked so sickly that even my teachers were constantly asking if I was ok. Every morning, I got incredibly sick to my stomach, but I pushed through school even though I felt worse than I had ever felt before. I was young, so I didn’t think much of it. Feeling so bad became my new normal. I went through my water bottles like I was in the Sahara Desert. I didn’t know drinking so much water was weird. For a while, my family and I thought I was just going through a growth spurt, so increased thirst must be normal, right? Wrong.
My mother decided something was really wrong. She took me to the doctor and I was diagnosed, and I am so incredibly thankful for my diagnosis. That sounds weird, right? Well, I mean it. I mean it not only because my diagnosis saved my life, but because it made me who I am today. That day changed my life forever. I used to suppress the memory of that day and all the pain that it brought. Now, I am extremely thankful for my type 1 diabetes. If you are reading this and you think I am crazy or you have diabetes and wish with all your heart and soul that you didn’t, please reconsider.
Diabetes has brought a lot of pain into my life, as it does for everyone living with it. Initially, I was so jealous of those who do not have it. I would genuinely become infuriated at anyone who complained about their flu shots or made jokes about how they were going to get diabetes because they ate so poorly. I thought to myself, “How can they complain when I get so many shots and so many finger pricks?” and “Why does everyone assume I got sick because I ate poorly?” I hated the stigma that came with the word “diabetes.” I didn’t want people to think I was unhealthy and responsible for my disease. I hated explaining to new friends that I was diabetic because it was something that I had no control over, and I did not think they would understand.
Aside from anger and jealousy, diabetes also came with a lot of stress, not only on myself, but on my friends and family members. It has given me days where I feel sick and horrible due to bad blood sugars. It has given me fears of dying early, going blind, and losing my feet. Diabetes has taken away a lot of my time that I could’ve spent on other things. It has made me frustrated, furious, and devastated. Now, after listing all of these negative effects of my diabetes, I probably sound really crazy for sticking by my claim that I have learned to accept it and be grateful for it. Allow me to explain why.
Since March 26, 2012, every day shows me the challenges of balancing different aspects of my life and managing my disease. At first, this was really difficult. Accepting the truth was the hardest part of my diagnosis. Since there is no cure (yet!), I had to learn to be ok with the fact that the rest of my life will be filled with the requirements of diabetes. I would never have the choice to give up. I was in it for the long haul. If you are still trying to accept this, just know that it is going to be ok. Everyone has struggles, and the cards you were dealt were the ones you were meant to get. Even those who do not have diabetes have problems. The people who once infuriated me when they would complain about a single shot have problems that I did not know about. I take things for granted that others do not have, just as they take for granted the lack of needles and carb counting that I have. No one lives a life that is worry free, so be grateful of your blessings. Do not dwell on the negatives of diabetes. Having it makes you strong, just as every other difficulty in life does.
There is a cliché quote that many people find comforting. It goes along the lines “your disease does not define you.” This quote drives me crazy. Your disease does define you. It makes you who you are. It sets you apart from everyone else. It makes you stronger than you could have been without it. My diabetes does define me, and I am proud to say that. All of those negative things I listed before have given me strength, persistence, and resilience to life’s challenges. I didn’t know how strong I could be until being strong was my only choice. My diabetes has made me who I am today.
Of course, there was a time when I despised my disease and everything that was related to it. I hated people asking me about it. And don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days. I still get upset and question “Why me?” but being comfortable with what your life is composed of will help you enjoy every day. I encourage you to embrace your Diabetes. It will bring you peace. I know that sounds incredibly cheesy, but it truly has changed my perspective on life. Diabetes does define you, and that is a wonderful thing. You are you because of your diabetes. Be proud of who you are. You are stronger than before, and you are a reflection of your perspectives. Have a good perspective and continue pushing forward.
